you flew into me, when i had lost the hope
with nothingness to gape, and darkness to grope---
when identity lay writhing, ripped and torn;
i found a bond with you was born!
unknowing, the affable you mutated in me,
ushering life---fresh, light, warm, carefree.
you belonged to me strongly by the hour
filling sense to the scorch,the pain and the shower.
but the stars fell dead and the bad moon rose;
the time stood still and life just froze!
you left when i was hoping to be,
with nothingness fading and i discovering me.
but void was recovered,and glum thus stayed.
i lay parched in blame,as i lost my shade!
I am pretty bad at getting the inner meaning of a piece. But apparently to me this is a very well written :) in my understanding :)
ReplyDeleteI did not get who the 'you' is, else its fab :)
last para ta bapok !
ReplyDeleteentire 1 is good no doubt..but
""but the stars fell dead and the bad moon rose;
the time stood still and life just froze!
you left when i was hoping to be"" : dis 3 line is just awesome :)
as usual...brilliant..but cant u just let ur poems continue for a longer period of tym??? its d same wd each of ur poems...it ends too soon...:(( but its superb no doubt...:)))
ReplyDeletedelicately poised..and i agree..last stanza is brilliant
ReplyDeletea very well written poem... it narrates a story of a person... and the last stanza is brilliant... wuld jst end by sayin.....
ReplyDelete"Your life lies ahead of you
Like a sheet of fallen snow
Be carefull how you tread it-
For every mark will show."
Zarin.
interesting
ReplyDeleteyou are invited to read my blog
great writing.... ekta question.. .. 'you left when i was hoping to be, with nothingness fading and i discovering me.'- nothingness fading and self discovery is a kind of achievement .. then why "bad moon rose..... froze".. just because the person left ??
ReplyDeletei love happy poems. shuru ta was happy. last part ta is dark. well written but i'm having mixed feelings. bu this is my personal opinion. i am no poetry critic.
ReplyDelete